Gristle and grit are words and imagery I choose to describe with how I get by through life these days.
I wear these "ass kicker" boots so much that my heels are worn down and the leather is starting to crack.
My hands are rough and as I wear rings to distract from my knobby fingernails. Not sure if I will ever get them to grow.
My phone is so jank I can barely read the screen, and I have left it in so many places, but it always gets returned to me because no one would want to steal this baby.
And since I don't have internet on my phone, I only check my mail about twice a day, hoping I don't miss anything important.
When I do get to my computer in the morning or after a long night's work, I can't listen to music because my speakers are broken, and God forbid I pull the computer too far away from the outlet, it will die.
Once my monthly subway card runs out, its to the bike, and I will try to commute via bike for the rest of the summer to save money.
Everytime I hop on the bike, I know that this ride could be my last, and knowing I am not covered by any insurance, I pray that all goes well.
I will take you up on that meal if you offer, and I will have the rest of your dish when you are done.
I am scrappy and I get by.
I will eat the gristle off the meat, and the fat off your bone.
I walk around in my faux leather jacket and the only scarf that I have not yet lost, passing window displays of pretty little things. Pretty little things that I would love to wear with my arm around the man of my dreams, oh but these scenes are just pretty little dreams.
But I move on, walk a little taller, and dig my heels into the concrete a little more. The heavy thud of my big ol' boots let's you know I am coming and you better get out of the way.
I rarely walk slow and I get off on the ability to bob 'n' weave through a crowd.
I say my please and thank you's and I do my best to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated.
I think of a different life I could have or paths I could have taken. I wonder how I got here.
I see the people I work with who spend all day down in the basement cleaning and doing the dirty work that no one wants to do. My heart breaks for them, but they are the one's with the constant smile and bright eyes.
I want to shun those who are more fortunate, but remind myself that everyone's path is their own, you can control no one but yourself, and the negative energy you get by doing that just hurts you. So I refrain.
Women walk around in high heels and sundresses contoured to their body. Not a wrinkle.
Well, I can't ride my bike in heels and I'd break an ankle trying to bob 'n' weave, and the dress, well it better be wrinkle free fabric or its a no go.
I wear a hard outer shell to protect my soft inner being.
Ain't nobody going to take care of myself but me.
So with gristle and grit, I dig my boots a little harder into that concrete and I hold my head up high.
I will get by.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Getting the feet wet...
It has been a few weeks since my last post, but I have been productive!
I started taking "Acting for Film" class with Clark Middleton and got new headshots! My temp job is over next week and I will start auditioning for shows again!
The acting classes are going well though I do feel like a very small fish having not acted in about 3 years. Most of the students who are in the class have gone to William Esper's School of Acting which I found to be a very prestigious school. Some of them have agents and are very proactive with their career. Also, everyone is talented. It's good for me to have this nervous feeling because it pushes me to want to do well and to work on my craft.
We are learning to act on film which is much different than stage. Everything is laser like and smaller. I am starting to get the hang of it, but I do "ham" it up every now and then.
My headshots are good for auditions. They capture me and my personality which is all you can ask for. I will be excited to start using them for auditions.
I start auditioning in a week and a half! Ahhhh!!! I am excited and reserved. Auditions are a fear for me. I don't like to go, I don't like to wait because I end up getting overwhelmed and full of anxiety. But I have to work on it. I also just hate waiting and having my whole morning and afternoon spent in a waiting room with other anxious hopefuls vying for the same role.
So be it. I am determined to audition and learn to love it. I can't let the fact that I don't like to audition be the determining factor as to why I did not pursue acting. That would be pathetic on my part.
So wish me luck on that one!
My goals for the next week, and hold me to it:
1. Look up and plan to go to at least 2 auditions for the following week.
2. Prepare an audition piece(s) for the auditions.
3. Continue scene work.
4. Continue voice over work.
5. Continue guitar practice.
6. Maybe write a song???
Okay all, thanks for reading. Would love to have your support. Bust my chops if you gotta!
Be well.
Love,
Caroline
I started taking "Acting for Film" class with Clark Middleton and got new headshots! My temp job is over next week and I will start auditioning for shows again!
The acting classes are going well though I do feel like a very small fish having not acted in about 3 years. Most of the students who are in the class have gone to William Esper's School of Acting which I found to be a very prestigious school. Some of them have agents and are very proactive with their career. Also, everyone is talented. It's good for me to have this nervous feeling because it pushes me to want to do well and to work on my craft.
We are learning to act on film which is much different than stage. Everything is laser like and smaller. I am starting to get the hang of it, but I do "ham" it up every now and then.
My headshots are good for auditions. They capture me and my personality which is all you can ask for. I will be excited to start using them for auditions.
I start auditioning in a week and a half! Ahhhh!!! I am excited and reserved. Auditions are a fear for me. I don't like to go, I don't like to wait because I end up getting overwhelmed and full of anxiety. But I have to work on it. I also just hate waiting and having my whole morning and afternoon spent in a waiting room with other anxious hopefuls vying for the same role.
So be it. I am determined to audition and learn to love it. I can't let the fact that I don't like to audition be the determining factor as to why I did not pursue acting. That would be pathetic on my part.
So wish me luck on that one!
My goals for the next week, and hold me to it:
1. Look up and plan to go to at least 2 auditions for the following week.
2. Prepare an audition piece(s) for the auditions.
3. Continue scene work.
4. Continue voice over work.
5. Continue guitar practice.
6. Maybe write a song???
Okay all, thanks for reading. Would love to have your support. Bust my chops if you gotta!
Be well.
Love,
Caroline
Friday, February 10, 2012
Breaking In and Entering
The problem I had when I first moved out here was getting my feet in the door. Well, there was more to that problem, I didn't even knock.
I saw the door or maybe just "a" door and ran down the hallway far away from it. So far, I moved to New Zealand... And that was the extent of my acting career thus far in NYC.
So now, I am devising a plan, mapping a course, infiltrating the system, breaking in and entering. How do I get in?
This is the research phase. I want to look at all angles, commercial, voice over, film, etc.
What's behind door #1
PDR Voice Over Coaching
Just yesterday, I had a voice of assessment session with Peter Rofé, who has been a professional voice over actor for 25 years. My assessment was a success, and I will be working with him privately doing voice overs and learning about that business. My goals with these private lessons are to develope an understanding of the voice over business, explore and craft my voice over acting, create a demo, and make connections with people in this business. Audition for this industry.
And she came a knocking...
This week, I have researched commercial classes, film classes, voice over classes, improv classes, and headshot photographers.
The tricky part of all this is where will my money go the furthest? I understand that to make money, you got to spend it. I am more than willing to do this, but where?
I would love to hear from actors, entertainers, etc with their thoughts on classes, workshops, what agencies to target, what not to go to, etc.
If I were to break into a bank, what bank would have the most BANG locked in their vaults...
I saw the door or maybe just "a" door and ran down the hallway far away from it. So far, I moved to New Zealand... And that was the extent of my acting career thus far in NYC.
So now, I am devising a plan, mapping a course, infiltrating the system, breaking in and entering. How do I get in?
This is the research phase. I want to look at all angles, commercial, voice over, film, etc.
What's behind door #1
PDR Voice Over Coaching
Just yesterday, I had a voice of assessment session with Peter Rofé, who has been a professional voice over actor for 25 years. My assessment was a success, and I will be working with him privately doing voice overs and learning about that business. My goals with these private lessons are to develope an understanding of the voice over business, explore and craft my voice over acting, create a demo, and make connections with people in this business. Audition for this industry.
And she came a knocking...
This week, I have researched commercial classes, film classes, voice over classes, improv classes, and headshot photographers.
The tricky part of all this is where will my money go the furthest? I understand that to make money, you got to spend it. I am more than willing to do this, but where?
I would love to hear from actors, entertainers, etc with their thoughts on classes, workshops, what agencies to target, what not to go to, etc.
If I were to break into a bank, what bank would have the most BANG locked in their vaults...
The Proclamation
This is the year I am unabated and relentless at pursuing my career in acting and music.
I have been in NYC for nearing 5 years, and though it has been fulfilling and I have accomplished many feats, I still have that one dangling dream that I can't seem to make a reality.
So, this year, the dream of having a career as an artist, bears my complete focus. No more trips, no more marathons, no more dabbling in other career choices. I owe it to myself to see this through.
What does that mean?
Well, I am not quite sure yet. But I am making this solemn vow, I will become the person and spirit I believe I am. I will make my dreams a reality.
That being said, I am not allowed to get down on myself, compare myself, or step aside. From here on out, its "balls to the wall, boys."
I encourage you to ask me how I am doing, what I am up to, and ask me my future goals. I want to the whole community of people I know to be in this with me. And I thank you for your participation and support.
Thank you very much. Say a prayer and here I go.
I have been in NYC for nearing 5 years, and though it has been fulfilling and I have accomplished many feats, I still have that one dangling dream that I can't seem to make a reality.
So, this year, the dream of having a career as an artist, bears my complete focus. No more trips, no more marathons, no more dabbling in other career choices. I owe it to myself to see this through.
What does that mean?
Well, I am not quite sure yet. But I am making this solemn vow, I will become the person and spirit I believe I am. I will make my dreams a reality.
That being said, I am not allowed to get down on myself, compare myself, or step aside. From here on out, its "balls to the wall, boys."
I encourage you to ask me how I am doing, what I am up to, and ask me my future goals. I want to the whole community of people I know to be in this with me. And I thank you for your participation and support.
Thank you very much. Say a prayer and here I go.
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